Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize