why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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