Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
