Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
