I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
