I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
