His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
