david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
