i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
