he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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