I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
