it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
