I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
