nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
