Sponge bath it is.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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