i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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