i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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