I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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