So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
