I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
