You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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