oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
