I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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