i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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