her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize