i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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