I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
