You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
