The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
