is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
