I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
