For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
