my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
