matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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