Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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