Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize