I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
