I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
