why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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