I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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