Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
