Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
