Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
