all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
