I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
