I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
sex in a hospital.. check
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
