Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
