According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
