Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
