let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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