Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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