So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize