Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
