I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
