Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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