A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
