So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
