How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
