Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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