i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
