i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
