I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
