Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
