Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
