birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
