'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
